September 19, 2014

Dear Davina: The Labyrinth

labyrinth_davinafear_700

Dear Davina,

I know that you sometimes feel like you’re in a trap-a mind trap-a mind labyrinth.

Sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night unable, but desperately wanting, to go back to sleep.  You are racked with torment over whether you photographed something correctly, all the images you may have missed and you immediately start running a mental checklist, your mind goes crazy thinking of all of the ways you’d like to be a better mom, the people it’s been too long since you’ve talked to, you wonder if people will like your photos you’ve taken, you remember all of the things you should have already done and the many things still on your list begging for your time, you begin considering the possibility that you may never make money again.

You spiral.  At 2am.  And you’re miserable.  And when the light of day comes you are already bugged at yourself for what you haven’t done and at the day for making it start off on such a rotten, already-behind-the-8-ball/haven’t-even-gotten-out-of-bed-yet-note.

You are normal!

Having all of those negative thoughts are frustrating and exhausting.  I get it.  And I want you to know you are not alone.  You are not the only one who makes mental lists of everything you’re not and all of the ways you don’t measure up.  You are normal.

Yes.  You.  Are.  Normal.

Your mind is just trying to help you.  “What?!?” you say.  It’s true though!  Your mind is just trying to help you.

Your brain is doing it’s job

The truth is, your mind wants to keep you safe.  When you do things outside your comfort zone it kind of freaks out.  When you try to become a better mom or a better photographer you’re changing the homeostasis of your body.  Your changing your status quo. Your brain doesn’t want that!  Your brain’s job is to keep everything running just as it is running.  It’s main goal is to always keep returning everything to a balanced state.  If an infection gets in your body…it attacks it and brings your body back to functioning as it always is supposed to function.  It’s a good brain.  It’s doing what it was designed to do.

Except when it’s not being very helpful.

This information is good for you to know.  That way, you will be able to notice that your brain is just trying to protect you.  Yay! For your brain!

At the same time, I don’t want you to be miserable while your brain desperately tries to keep you safe.

Try a couple of these games:

The “Thank you, brain” game: When your brain starts giving you the run around and desperately trying to keep you from believing you can change or accomplish things today, just say, “Thank you, brain! Aren’t you sweet for trying to keep me safe?  I appreciate you, but…I’m going for this anyway!”

The “What if…” game:  Most of the time our brains want us to go into the ‘what if…my clients totally hate all of their images’ or ‘what if my kids never stop fighting? After the day we’ve been through, it’s very possible.” or ‘what if…no one ever books me again’ -mode of thinking.  But what if we ‘what if-ed’ the other direction?  ‘What if…my clients LOVE their images?” (because if we’re honest…they always do) ‘What if…after today my kids will be friends their whole life because we learned how to talk to each other?’ (because if we look at it differently…they really only have days like today once in awhile and you do teach them a great life skill) ‘what if…I get so many opportunities I have to begin turning things down?’

“Before you go to bed” game: Instead of making a list of all of the things on your list that you didn’t get done and transferring them to another new list for tomorrow…make a list of all of the things you DID get done.  Also, keep a running tab of all of the money you’re making!!  Keep it as a running tab on your phone.  Start with the number that you wish you could make over then next 6 month.  The goal you want to reach.  And each week tally out all of the money that’s come in.  Look at your bank account/Paypal account/wherever you run your business money through.  Look it over and minus every bit of money that comes into your account.  You’ll be surprised at how quickly you’re getting to that number you want to reach.  The truth is, we are always looking at the amount that’s actually in our account.  We say we want to make $10k, $30k, $60k, $100k but our account never actually has than much in it at one time…so we believe that we are always so far from our goal.  It’s pretty exciting to see that the TRUTH is that you’re reaching that goal much more quickly than you thought!!

“What did you contribute?” game:  At the end of the day, ask yourself, “What did I contribute to the world? Your contribution could be to your own life, your family, your business, or the world.  I have a feeling if you take an honest look, you’ll see that you’re contributing in beautiful ways everyday that you’ve been missing.  Keep a little book about your contributions.  You’re adding value to lives and the world everyday…it’s time for you to see it.

“See your day” game: Before your feet hit the floor, instead of laying in bed thinking of all the things on your list waiting for you to get your booty out of bed, take time to day dream about your day.  Envision what you’re going to notice today, how you want to feel today, let some wonderful idea of what today could hold for you and give it space to grow, give it light, let it fill you.  Imagine how things go well for you or how you take things that don’t go well in stride.

You are doing amazing things, Davina!  Let yourself see them.

::The Dear Davina series is new!!  All of the posts from this series is from a journaling exercise I started where I tell address myself as I would talk to a friend.  Giving myself more grace and understanding and tapping into the part of me that is love, kindness, and sees possibility.  We all have both of these sides to us.  I wanted you to know that you are not alone if you’re  struggling with some of the same things (if it helps, replace my name with your name).  We are all normal!  If you have something that you’d like me to write about in my Dear Davina series, please feel free to let me know via email at davina (at) davinafear (dot) com.

 

davina_bio_photo_3_squareDavina Fear is a Familyness Photographer and Adventurer. She photographs Day in the Life sessions for families while she road trips around the country and has plastic sword fights at QuikTrip at 4am (see those adventures on her instagram feed @davinafear ).

She blogs at davinafear.com. Are you struggling in your business? Sign up for a Discovery session with Davina here.

September 1, 2014

Back-to-School for 13 years

firstdayof5th_700

What I’ve learned after 13 years

This year is Emmett’s Senior Year.  It’s big.  And I can’t believe it’s here.  I know it’s cliche but…the time goes way too fast.  Some days feel like time is creeping by but when it gets to this moment it feels like the years are a blur more than anything.

Why this one is different

Like every year, I’m torn with feelings of letting the lazy summer sleep-in mornings (even if it’s busy we rarely HAVE to be up by 6am) go to the wayside for the next 9 months and being grateful for schedules and life being back into some kind of order.  This year I was especially wishing for the summer to go slow and the school year to remain at bay.  This year marks the end of having Emmett at home all of the time and means next summer is the beginning of prepping for college and our family dynamic changing dramatically.

To celebrate 17 years of seeing Emmett start his last first day of school (let’s all agree that college first days of school are much different) here’s a list of things we’ve learned.

Over 17 years we’ve found:

No one sleeps well the night before school starts.  Miriam said it’s like the night before Christmas.  The anticipation makes it impossible to sleep.  The kids are wired, summer sleep hours still haven’t worn off and no one is tired at the school bedtime hour.  And to top it off Emma can’t stop bouncing around, saying stuff that makes no sense, and being completely happily funny…until 11pm when we just want her to go to sleep because 6:30 comes way to early.

Brand new clothes on the first day of school are unnecessary.  For many years we went back-to-school shopping.  Until we realized that the weather doesn’t suddenly change on the day school starts.  It’s still 1000 degrees!  So now, my kids just pick out their favorite summer time outfit to wear to school instead of dying of heat from the fall time outfit we purchased for the first day of school.

Back-to-school clothes shopping happens, for us, sometime in October/November when it’s time to wear the winter clothes that are in the stores.

Wearing a great outfit that gives you confidence is a must.  “It is better to look good than to feel good.”  Billy Crystal had it all wrong (for any of you who grew up in the 80s).  What kids really want is to feel great on the first day of school.  They want to feel confident…not sweaty.

I remember a few of my first days of school…getting a new outfit when I was a kid and not wanting to wait until the weather was cooler to wear it.  I couldn’t get home fast enough to peel off the sweater I had worn, that was now dripping in sweat, after walking home from the bus.  Choosing something to wear that looks great AND feels good for the first day of school is a key for day one of school.

The first day of school is a social event.  No school work actually gets accomplished.  There’s nothing to stress over.  You get to see all of your friends you missed over the summer that didn’t live in your neighborhood or that went away for them entire 3 month break…or most of it.

One full tree is harmed per kid that goes to school. The stack of papers that comes home from school is usually enough to make sure that one tree was used per child in order to make sure all said papers could be signed and brought back to school on the second day.

Thankfully, there were a lot less papers this year.  There were so few papers my kids didn’t even remember to get my signature stamp from my studio.

Cleaning the house 2-3 days before school starts is a great idea.  This is my favorite.  A lot of people have spring cleaning.  We have end of summer cleaning.  Everyone goes through their drawers and pulls out everything they out grew over the summer, we go through closets, and we clean all of the stuff that we ignored during our summer bliss.

It feels great to have the house clean a few days before school begins.  It feels fresh and in order.   And then we get to put all of our energy into having fun for the last 2-3 days of our summer break.

The story of back-to-school starts way  before the picture on the front step the morning school starts.  I see lots of creative ideas on how to take pictures of kids on the first day of school.  The thing is…the first day of school story starts long before the first day of school starts.

We shop for school supplies, we get the house clean, we play, we have a back to school dinner, etc.  I try to remember that our back to school story starts before the front steps at 7am on the day school starts.  I talk more about this one here and here.

Kids grow out of being followed into school getting their picture taken. I only have one child that lets me follow her into school.  So I’m savoring it.  I think I’ve only got one more first day of school to walk into her class with her.  When 6th grade ends so does the walking into school….even if your friends think it’s cool that your mom is photographer.

After 6th grade all bets are off and the first day of school is not the day your mom says hi to your teachers or sees your friends in their first day of school outfits.  These days are super close to being over (this link made me gasp at the years that have passed).

Everyone likes to talk when they get home from school the first day.  Good questions are key when they walk in the door or at the dinner table that evening. I love hearing the stories of seeing friends, what teachers said, who they predict to be their favorite teacher this year, and all of the conversations that are bursting to be had at the end of the day.

I always think the first day of school is going to be so awesome for ME!  I always think I’m going to get a boatload of work done that I’ve put off because I’ve been playing for the last 7 days before school starts or I’ve only been half doing because I’ve been trying to be half mom/half business woman.

It never happens.  I try to work.  I get some stuff done but I’m not nearly as productive as I imagine I’m going to be.  Part of it is because I am anxious to here first day of school stories.  And part of it is because I hope that I was a good mom over the summer.  The other part is realizing that another year is here and it doesn’t seem real.  Another part of it, this year, was because it’s Emmett’s senior year and I realized there’s still so much to squeeze in before next year at this time.

It seems like I should be hanging from the rafters in complete and utter joy now that I have the house to myself again.  Instead, out of nowhere, I cry at least once.

It doesn’t get easier as they get older.  It seems like the first day of school should get easier each year.  It doesn’t.

Summer is awesome but routines are a sigh of relief…for everyone. As much as the first day of school means the end of summer randomness I do love that it also means getting back to routines.  During the summer it’s much harder to stick with our nightly reading (which we all miss).  It’s so nice to get back to the things that keep us connected in the school year.

Leave the 2 days before school begins open for playing and making the best of the last bit of summer (with a clean house).  I love getting to play knowing that everything is in order for the first day of school!  As much as the kids don’t want to admit it, they do, too.

Back to school dinner is a great time to talk about what’s about to happen this year (eat out or eat at home).  We’ve done our Back to School Dinner at home where everyone helps to get dinner made and we sit on our back deck.  We’ve also gone out to dinner.  There’s no right way to do it but we love the chance to sit around the table and talk about what’s ahead and what the first day of school is going to be like.

Get your class schedule before school begins.  I have three kids that are no longer in elementary.  Emmett gets his schedule from the HS and the girls get theirs at back to school night.  Having everyone’s schedules opens up discussions about what to expect.  Our middle school lets everyone practice their schedule…they get to actually change classes together with their classmates.  It’s a great way to get ready for the first day of school.

Buy school supplies at least 7 days before school starts or you won’t be able to get them all.  Trust me on this one.  I may or may not be admitting to knowing how many school supplies are available at midnight the day before school starts.

You don’t need all of your school supplies for the first day of school.  This one we learned because of what we know from the previous thing we learned.  No one needs those supplies on the first day of school.  The most anyone needs (unless you’re in elementary school) is paper and pencil.

Notes in lunches are a great way to start the year.  They can be funny or encouraging.  Notes are a fantastic way to give my kids support and fun on the first day of school.   I like Nacho and Napoleon quotes and include a little of my own tip for the day.  A note I sent to school: “Be grateful, Juan Pablo, today is especially delicious.  TIP #327:  It’s best not to have beans come out of your nose on the first day of school.”

It’s wayyy harder to get up for the 2nd day of school than it was to get up for the 1st day of school!  It’s true.

I really can’t believe I’ve already done 13 first days of school.  Life is so full and so fast and so crazy.

What lessons have you learned about the first day of school?

davina_bio_photo_3_squareDavina Fear is a Familyness Photographer and Adventurer. She photographs Day in the Life sessions for families while she road trips around the country and has plastic sword fights at QuikTrip at 4am (see those adventures on her instagram feed @davinafear ).

She blogs at davinafear.com. Click here to learn more about familyness or The Familyness Photo Workshop.

 

July 23, 2014

Road Trip Truths

roadtrip_drive_2a

Our road trip started more than 5 hours late.

But we did it!

We got out of town…eventually.

The last few hours before leaving

Everybody was in a mood by then and people were bugged that (whoever it was) took way too long getting packed and getting everything in line before we left.

I was tempted to get super bugged.  To start going off on people for their bad attitudes, to chastise someone for snapping at the person nearest to them.

Usually, getting out of the house is when I get the most stressed…those hours just before we are supposed to leave and then again when we haven’t left two hours after our target time.

What I did when I wanted to get mad…

This time though…I decided to laugh.  I laughed as I said, just as everyone is beginning to freak out at each other.  It’s ok!  Go ahead and freak out.  We are all bugged that we haven’t left yet.  We all wish we were gone.  It’s ok.

And then I laughed to myself.  I don’t know why.  It just felt better than getting mad.

Maybe it was for me.  Maybe it was for everybody.

Either way, it helped.  It lightened those moments enough to make leaving feel less tense and more hopeful.

Here are some road trip truths I’ve learned:

People are going to get mad.  It’s ok.

Kids are going to stay up way too late and wake up too early.  It’s ok.

You’re going to lose your cool at the free continental breakfast in the hotel lobby.  It’s ok.

You’re not going to get enough sleep.  It’s ok.

There will be lots of fun.  Some of it will feel fun.  Some of it won’t.  It’s ok.

You’ll be disappointed on some days.  It’s ok.

There will be days that will feel perfect and there will be days that don’t feel perfect.  It’s ok.

 

The thing is…no matter what happens on your trip…everything is going to be ok.

The more I say “It’s ok”……

The better this trip feels to me.  The more relaxed I feel.  The more I lean into the moment I’m in.  The more I forgive myself for the way the day has gone, the more I forgive myself for the way my kids are feeling, the more I forgive others for what they do, the more I have mercy for other people around me…whether they are road tripping or not.

It’s ok.

Follow our trip on instagram ( @davinafear ) or on Facebook:  Davina Fear or check our instagram hashtag:  #fearfamroadtrip2k14

 

davina_bio_photo_3_squareDavina Fear is a Familyness Adventurer. She is expert at building forts and is currently on her familyness road trip to Utah and having fun photographing the familyness of  many awesome families along the way!

She blogs at davinafear.com and believes in the non-cheesy smile.

June 24, 2014

Breakfast with the Crowells: A family life photo shoot

crowellfamily_pumpstreet_breakfast_davinafear_5

 

adventures in familyness

We all piled out of the car and walked the short distance through a little farmer’s market to the Pump Street Bakery in the tiny town of Orford in England.

Alisa had told me how much I would love this simple, little nook for breakfast but I had no idea it would be this fantastic.  And who cannot love that old pink building?

Breakfast is eaten around a huge, solid wood, community table with other diners pulling up a chair next to you and having a bit of tea or coffee while you order some divine pancakes with strawberries or french toast and bacon and bananas on top.

crowell_pumpstreet_breakfast_davinafear_1

every familyness photo adventure is different

The Crowells lived in a little town in England and came to love so many villages and nooks and crannies of their life.  For them, photographing the locations and their experiences at their favorite family places were so important to them.

It’s so obvious how much they adore being together, laughing, sharing secrets, helping each other out, loving delicious food, and finding quaint and colorful places that felt like home. Each place we went their family would personally know so many of the other families.  They had friends everywhere we went.

 

Davina!!!!!
Seriously….we need to go to Tesco for some more tissues!!!!!! Love, love, LOVE everything about every picture. All the facial expressions and moments you captured!  Oh my days!!! I think I am going to overflow with happiness! Stunning, absolutely stunning pictures, Davina. I’m bursting with happiness! ~Alisa, (mom in these photos)

 

See more of their sessions here and here.

crowellfamily_pumpstreet_breakfast_3a

 

Favorite things about ‘breakfast with the crowells’ session:

Pump Street Bakery is their family’s favorite breakfast-ing shop

The Crowells made a list of their own adventures they loved doing together

Alisa called ahead to this little shop and let them know they were coming (with a photographer)

They did what they always do and interacted with each other they way they always do

Alisa brought along things to keep her kids entertained, snacks to keep stomachs full, and a change of clothes for diaper blowouts…all the stuff she always does

Adventure was waiting and they were excited about it

The adventuring was kept simple and short with breaks in between

crowell_pumpstreet_breakfast_davinafear_3a

 

Thank you, sweet Crowells!

Photographing your dear family has been a huge highlight for me.  

The kindness you show one another and the way, even in disagreements, there is a desire to respect and understand one another is inspiring.  Every family has moments when kids are crazy (or bolt out the door any chance they get), you are so incredible at taking it all in stride, though!  You can tell that your relationshihps are more important than circumstances.

Thank you for letting me see your familyness…and for sharing your favorite breakfast with me…I’m still dreaming of that toast and strawberries!

xoxo, Davina

crowellfamily_pumpstree_breakfast_4b

 

why book a session?

I would most definitely recommend Davina if you are looking for someone to capture you and your family in YOUR element–to note all the little details and characteristics unique to each family member and setting. Her intuitive approach enables her to step into your family culture enough to capture who you really are.  Thank you, Davina, our hearts are forever happy! ~Alisa, (mom in these photos)

ready to find out more about your own familyness adventure photo session?

*Familyness photo sessions are all about your family, your everyday life that you want to remember always or adventures that your family goes on that you know will be fleeting.

*We’ll dive into your familyness and discover the perfect familyness life photo session for you (with the Crowells we also photographed their life at home…waking up in the morning, getting dressed, and hanging laundry together—those photos coming soon).

*Adventures can be the simplest moments of everyday life that make your real life beautiful

 

Book your session now

Please call (704.964.5882) or email me (davina@davinafear.com).  I’d love to chat with you about what is making your heart yearn for this type of familyness photo session.

THIS weekend!

NOTE: photo shoot available this weekend in the DC/Virginia area (email davina@davinafear.com or call 704-964-5882 for details)

I believe families seeing their own love and magic in photographs can change their world.  And when families see that their real life if beautiful…they can change the world. 

 

davina_selfie_squareDavina Fear is a Familyness Adventurer. She is expert at building forts and is excited about her familyness road trip to Utah and the awesome people she will be photographing along the way!

She blogs at davinafear.com and believes in the non-cheesy smile.

 

June 14, 2014

Familyness Pop Up Adventures!

familynesspopupadventures_davinafear_700

Familyness Pop Up Adventures!

We would love to have you join us…

You know how they have those dinner pop up groups?

Have you heard of those dinner groups that get together in random places around the city?
There’s not a whole lot of notice beforehand when a pop up dinner group is going to happen. You get an email a little bit before the random dinner pop up. Everyone brings something (or they have a great chef, etc). They just set up a table with dishes/glasses/silverware (sometimes fancy/sometimes simple), bring out the delicious food, and meet friends at a field or a street. They eat, chat, hang out, and then they break it all down and meet up another time. It’s super cool!

I’m not sure how I get in on one of those groups but I thought it would be really fun to do something similar and have Familyness Pop Up Adventures!

How Familyness Pop Up Adventures Work:

1. Sign up. Sign up here to get notified. You’ll be on the list to get the Familyness Adventure Pop Up Invite details every time an adventure is about to happen!

2. Totally random. Familyness Pop UP Adventures will happen randomly. You may have a week’s notice or you may have a few hours notice. Most likely, it will be somewhere in between.
3. Adventure is everywhere! If you’re available come join the fun. If not, there will be a next time!
4. How long will it last? Show up, stay a couple of minutes and say Hi! or stay past the time we leave and keep having fun. It’s totally up to you!
5. Cookies (and other fun stuff). We will be there and (hopefully) handing out cookies or something other kind of fun…
6. Are you planning the adventures? We will be planning the adventure destinations. However, some activities will already be planned events by someone else. Other events will be planned by us.
7. It is free? Many adventures will be FREE! Occasionally, there will be adventures that involve an investment. (i.e.- the zoo: because there’s a fee to get in)
8. How often? You can come to whatever Familyness Pop Up Adventure you want to come to!
9. Not just for local people! We will be taking our road trip out to Utah next month and may plan some Familyness Pop Up Adventures along the way!
10. You don’t live in our city? Start your own Familyness Pop Up Adventures! Make sure to tell us about your group though. We’d love to help you get your Adventures set up and be sharing photos on Instagram.

First Familyness Pop Up Adventure is TOMORROW!!

Make sure and get on the list right away so you can be part of tomorrow’s Familyness Pop Up Adventure! We’ll be sending out the details asap! We can’t wait to see you there!

(Even if you know you can’t join us tomorrow, you’ll want to know about future Pop Up Adventures.)

SIGN UP TO RECEIVE INVITES HERE: