The dinner table that re-inspired me.
Across the tan and white polka dot oilcloth. Spread in front of us is a gourmet meal that we couldn’t have found in any restaurant in England.
Sitting opposite my client-friends, Mike and I are amazed that we get to be at this table with these wonderful people.
Delicious pork filet with an amazing sweet pepper sauce, perfectly sauteed bright fresh green beans, and leafy salads with flavorful dressing.
My eyes and nose are trying to communicate to my brain how delicious all of this color is combined with the aromas.
Next comes fresh, warm-crusted bread from the oven and I wonder why anyone would ever eat a restaurant. We haven’t even eaten a bite.
I’ve been completely won over, felt loved for the care and detail, and I know that I’m going to want to linger around this table. And I’ve not tasted even a morsel.
Kids are around this table, little ones. They laugh and stay to show and tell the events of their day and eventually run off to play. And still we stay cozy around this gathering place that feels safe and inviting and happy and welcoming.
Three important reasons this moment sparked a new excitement in me.
Sitting down to a lovely table made me feel like that little bit of effort was just for me. I mattered. Even though the table was small and we all barely fit around it, the addition of a pretty tablecloth and some flowers made the moment and Mike and I feel like a special ocassion.
It was the 4th night of our stay at our friend’s home. By then we could have been eating off of paper plates. Our lovely hostess, Alisa, could have just put everything on the table in pans and told us to go for it. Instead, every night, she made is beautiful in a super simple way.
The dinners she made looked so simple. Granted, she’s an amazing chef and can make anything out of what’s currently in her home. The fresh ingredients (said in my Nacho voice) made each entree look like a colorful masterpiece. It was amazing and mouthwatering at the same time.
It wasn’t something she did only on special occasions. This was the way they lived.
Of course, she has nights where she makes mac and cheese from a box and is just glad she made it to the end of another day but that’s not the norm. Alisa takes great care to make their evening dinner together a gathering place of safety and sharing and familyness.
Eating together creates at least 10 positive outcomes.
I have a teenager and two pre-teen girls. Life is starting to get hectic.
Over the past year our nights have become this glass of overturned water, that just keeps spreading with no boundaries to it, and dinners that begin cooking at 8:30pm (from a box and put on the table) only to be rushed through so that we can get people to bed with enough sleep to wake up at 5:30am and start all over again. That was a run-on sentence because that’s how our life has been feeling.
Dinner time has always been important to me. I think it’s vital to a healthy family in more ways than just the food that’s eaten.
Studies have shown that families who eat dinner together at least three nights a week have children who are “42% less likely to drink alcohol, 59% less likely to smoke cigarettes, and 66% less likely to try marijuana.
Girls who eat with their families are less likely to use diet pills, laxatives and other extreme measures to control their weight.”
Eating dinner together reduces obesity, increases success on test scores,” develops language skills, expands vocabulary, children learn how to tell stories, and articulate feelings and thoughts, teens are more likely to be well adjusted, less stressed, more motivated in school, and have better peer relationships.” (From Laurie David’s book, “The Family Dinner”)
Obviously, the reasons to have dinner together far outweigh not having dinner together! But why was our family having such a hard time having a meaningful dinner together when it was so important to me?
I realized 3 things were missing from my own familyness dinner time.
1. A beautiful table. I’ve always kept flowers around my house because I love the way they bring a little extra happiness into our home. When I look at them the remind me of good things, that I am blessed, and they make me smile. I knew I needed a beautiful table to make me want to gather my family around it.
2. Delicious gourmet looking food that is super easy to fix. I needed to make a menu that would be colorful with veggies and fruits that were in season but that wouldn’t take a degree at a chef’s school to create.
3. I had to have a set time for dinner and I needed help. Our kids have always had a night of the week that they are supposed to help with dinner.
In the rush and crush of homework after school we’d gotten away from it and I was feeling like I had to be the instigator of and the lone woman cooking in the kitchen. If I didn’t do it, Mike would reluctantly go make dinner.
Our favorite dinner preparations have been when we there are at least a few of us in the kitchen creating our awesome dinner together.
What I’ve changed to create more familyness…
*On Sunday, I set a beautiful table. I don’t mean that I set a table with all of the dishes and utensils on it and keep it there all week. That would never work. Our table is the workhorse of our home. I just make sure I put something lovely on it that makes me want to go sit in it’s chairs and invite someone to pull up a seat next to me.
Usually, that means a fresh tablecloth and some flowers in jars, vases, or tin cans. I keep it super simple. Often, just one stem in each jar. I line up three vases of flowers or just put a bunch of jars of flowers in the middle of the table. When I see our table I WANT to make dinner because I want to gather around it. It seems like it calls to me all day long, every time I walk past it.
The weather has made eating al fresco on our deck so refreshing that I look for reasons to go out and enjoy sitting there, relaxing, chatting, and listening to all of the birds, cicadas, and frogs.
*I have a Pinterest board of healthy food that I’d like to try. I made it over a year ago and I’ve not really looked at until lately. In the last few weeks, we’ve made some awesome gourmet dinners from my Pinterest board that have made dinner fun again. They have been pretty easy and quick. No one in our family knows what’s for dinner except the people that make it together! So it feels like a surprise each night.
*We’ve re-instituted having our kids in the kitchen with us. It’s made a big difference to stand side by side at the counter or sink creating something delicious, healthy, and exciting together.
*We have a specific time that we eat dinner (typically 6pm). However, during our family calendaring time each Sunday we decide what days we need to adjust our dinner time and who needs to be the one to get it started. That way, we all have a heads up for nights that are going to be hectic but we still want to connect over the dinner table.
What if you can’t eat dinner together? There’s just no way!
There are so many reasons to start having dinner together! I know it’s hard to get it into a busy schedule. I’ve been in that place for the past year.
In fact, for awhile, we decided that we would make sure to eat breakfast together every single morning.
It meant that everyone got up about 20 minutes earlier than usual so that we could all be together and have a nourishing, happy breakfast time. We knew we needed that time to connect and so we made it happen, even if it was the traditional dinner time.
Now that our schedules are super off from each other in the mornings I miss our breakfast times all together but I’m so glad that we’ve made the space to gather together at dinner. It’s been amazing!
What fancy scheduling and on-purpose plans have you had to make to ensure that you connect around your table?
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Davina Fear is a Familyness Adventurer. She believes it adds magic to dinner time to drink chilled water (from the tap) out of a vintage lemonade bottle she and Mike received during their adventure in England.
She blogs at davinafear.com and teaches The Familyness Photo Workshop.
3 Comments
Both you and Mike are the LOVELIEST! We SO enjoyed our chats, laughs, and good conversation. Your striped tablecloth, single-stemmed flowers, and vintage glasses (and lemonade bottles 😉 make us want to jump in at your table and start chatting…or laughing! Totally all over your Pinterest board and high-five any simply gorgeous and gorgeously simple meal! Happy eats!
“Eat the food, Tina” … Napoleon Dynamite is the best!! 🙂
I agree! We quote Napoleon Dynamite like crazy around here! Gosh!