Without the kids.

The rain is pounding on the windshield as the wipers vigorously try to make the way clear for me to see.  Grace is in the seat behind the passengers side of our mini van.  We are talking away about what’s happening at school and what her best friend will think of her hair being straight….

I pull up in front of the school, ready for her to hop out.  She isn’t leaning forward to give me a little kiss before she opens the van door.  I look back and she’s in tears.

Mike and I are leaving in a couple of days for London and I know that she’s already thinking about it and how much she’s going to miss us.  She’s thinking about not being able to hug me everyday and how I won’t be there when she gets home from school.  My heart breaks a little bit for her.

We talk for a few minutes. The late bell rings as we sit with the rain plop, plopping on the top of the van. I say something silly that’s funny only between the two of us.  It breaks her from her sadness long enough to help her regain her composure and be ready to walk into the school.

I give her a hug and a kiss.  She jumps out of the van and swiftly walks to the front door of the school.

As I watch her I know that I need to do something to make the distance feel less distant while we are gone.

Are you leaving on an extended trip soon without your kids?

Here are some little things we’ve done while we’ve been away:

I put notes in my kids’ lunches everyday.  Before we left I wrote teach of the kids notes for everyday that we are gone for Mike’s mom/my mom to put in their lunches.

The day before we left I sent a box full of hearts through the mail.  In it was a note that said: Put these hearts around the house so that when you see them you’ll know that we love you and are thinking of you.

At other times, when we’ve left for shorter trips, I’ve put hearts around the house in lots of different places to surprise the kids when they open up a cereal box, the shower curtain, the refrigerator, etc.

Every time we go to a place where we can purchase postcards we buy one for each of the kids and send them off so that they can get mail from up while we are gone (and probably a few days after we get back).

A couple of nights a week I post pictures to Emmett’s private messages on Facebook. I include a little note about what we discovered through out the day with each of the photos.  It’s a great way to take the kids on our adventure with us.  It makes them feel like they are getting the personal tour at the same time.

This is the first time we’ve been away from our kids this long.  We’ve gone away for a few nights quite a few times but in 16 years we’ve never left our kids for 2 weeks.  Doing some things to help them with the distance has been fun.  I also like that they’ve gotten a bit of a travel log from us while we’ve been gone.

What do you do for your kids when you leave them behind to go on a little adventure with your spouse?

I get a little obsessed.

A little crazy.

In the words of Nacho Libre, “And over there is a crazy lady.”

He’s talking about me.

Emmett’s 16th birthday has been on the calendar for oh…say…16 YEARS.

And when do I start planning it?  I started thinking about it a month or so before his birthday.  We talked about if it should be a surprise or not a surprise.  Two weeks before the day of the party?  That’s when I got to the planning place.  (andddd…ummm….that’s when the invitation should have already been out…I realize this.)

I was trying to make decisions about what to do.  And I wanted this party to be amazing since we only do big parties every 5 years.

This would be the last friends party before leaving home.  It had to be off the charts.

And so…I became obsessed.

But that’s kind of my thing.  Obsession.

Occasionally.

I started coming up with ideas for a Nacho Libre and Napoleon Dynamite party once we decided surprise parties aren’t quite all they’re cracked up to be.

And…

That was when the true crazy, focused, overboard lady came out to play.

I think my family saw that crazed look in in my eye and knew that only one thing mattered.  Emmett’s party.

Every living moment would be devoted to Emmett’s party.

And thankfully, I have a family that’s down with that.

They are happy to jump on board to help make things happen, they get excited with me.

Together we worked on the little details of Emmet’s Napoleon vs. Nacho party.

Emma did a drawing of Trish (from Napoleon Dynamite)

Mike sketched my vision of the invitation (and did it perfectly)

Miriam cut fringes for hanging in the back yard

Emmett went to Party City and Goodwill with me to find just the right wigs for costumes and and the perfect recreation clothes for Nacho.

Grace spent hours in fabric stores finding just the right color nun fabric for Encarnacion and crosses for necklaces

Mike and Emmett shopped for tatter tots and corn on the cob to put on a stick

It became a family obsession…

and everything else went out the door.  We gave up stuff for this grand, chaotic adventure…there was no bedtime reading, no dinner around the dinner table, and all surfaces in the kitchen were covered with party creations.  Everything was secondary to Emmett’s party.

The whole week was not balanced.  Not even close.  It was not the way we envision balanced people living their lives.

But is was living!

It was exciting and fun and thrilling to be on a mission to make something grand happen…TOGETHER.

It was familyness in an amazing way! It was ugly and messy and crazy and our house was trashed and our life was one minute of chaos blurred into the next minute of chaos.

And sometimes that just works!

The thing is, as moms we sometimes think that there’s a perfect way to do mom-hood.  We have a vision in our head of what it’s supposed to look like.  That dreamy, fairy tale, looking thing, in our mind, isn’t what we have and so the way we measure our life ends up always coming up short.

But what if the way you do mom-hood is already awesome? 

What if who you are, the way your day goes, the way you spend your time already measured up to what you want your family to look like? Who you want to be?  What if you saw all of the good you are doing instead of all of the ways you’re falling short?

The week of Emmett’s birthday I could totally have looked at it and seen all of the ways that I fell short of my perfect mom dream/fantasy I have in my head…the one where my kids go to bed every night at 8pm, I get up at 5am and have devotional time, I work perfectly from 9am-2pm after I go running for an hour and eat a perfectly healthy breakfast.

Honestly, though, if I’m waiting for 7 days in a row to go like that, I’m going to miss most of my life…and all of the awesomeness that happens everyday.

Realizing that even that crazy week of chaos and planning a birthday party had lots of familyness in it (and the kind of familyness I love), makes even the days that don’t come anywhere near the ‘perfect mom-hood day’  somehow end up being perfect days anyway…

What does one of your non-perfect/chaos days look like?  What perfection ideas are you fighting against?

viewing this post in your inbox?  click here to view the video!)

You’ll learn how to take great pictures of your family, get less stressed about it, have more fun, and feel more familyness.

Register now for The Familyness Photo Workshop!

(use the code FPW25 to save 25% until Friday, March 15th)

Class begins on March 17th.

“I was actually surprised how much I learned. I really thought going into this that I wasn’t going to learn much just because I thought it was going to be pretty basic but WOW! I learned more in this workshop than I have learned I think in any workshop. This workshop truly made me a better photographer.  Best money I have ever spent on photography education!”
~Laura Turnbough

“I am so inspired! Thank you so much! I am not a great photographer by any means, but I love capturing my kids in their daily life.  This workshop is already helping me so much!!”
~Caila

I believe this workshop can change the world, one family at a time.

See you in class!

xoxo,

Davina

Davina Fear is a Familyness Adventurer.  She enjoys a bowl of Lucky Charms occasionally.  Her favorite part of breakfast, though, is eating it with one of her favorite people.She blogs at davinafear.com and teaches The Familyness Photo Workshop.

doing something new.

A couple of years ago my girls had their 10th birthday.  At our house we have big parties (definition: with friends) every 5 years.  The in between years are family parties.  So…we like to be extra fun and creative when it comes to the big FIVE!

The girls came up with a birthday party that was completely different and unexpected!

When they first told me they wanted to do a backwards party I thought, “That’s not going to be cute.”  But it was!  I loved creating this awesome party with the girls.  We had so much fun thinking up backwards games and all of the things that we could do in a backwards way.  I LOVE getting to be with my sweet missies.  Happy Birthday!!

Here are some things we did:

The invitations had everything spelled backwards and had to be read in a mirror

Everyone wore at least 2 items of clothing backwards

We sat under the table instead of on top of it.

Colored coloring book pages outside of the lines instead of inside

Played hide and seek backwards (sardines)

Instead of eating cake last we ate it first (before lunch)

We made gumball necklaces instead of chewing gum

Played games blindfolded

Decorated with balloons hanging down from the ceiling instead of letting them float up

Made birthday banners that were spelled backwards

And had a fun photobooth (pictures coming on Monday)

Some party details:

Gumball Necklaces: One Charming Party

Pretty Party Supplies: Shop Sweet Lulu

 

One of the things we love about parties the most is the familyness that it promotes.  We have fun getting to create the invitations, making the little party cups, going online and finding just the exact details that we want, and then on the day of the party hanging everything up and getting it all looking festive together.  The best part is that working together makes the load lighter and more fun to do. Stepping back and taking in the sight of what we created together is part of the what creates such fun memories for us!

How does your family do parties?

Have you signed up for the Familyness Fort yet?

 
(a little secret: everyone on the list will be getting the FREE How to take great photos with your Camera Phone mini class…coming soon!)

Davina Fear loves an awesome small party with the people she loves most.  She also loves coming up with fun dates for Friday nights with Hot Guy. She totally got lucky in love.

Have you checked out her Familyness Photo Workshop? The next one will be starting soon!

love happens even when it’s not easy.

We rush out the door, backpacks banging against the table as everyone rushes for the car. We scramble to get our seatbelts clicked and then off we go.

The van fills with happy, chaotic chatter about what each of the kids will be doing at school today.

And then like that they are all at school.

I return home after the helter skelter, crazy rush and as I turn the door knob a sizzle breaks through the barrier between me and the kitchen.  The aroma of sausage fills the space and makes my stomach grumble in gratitude.

Mike is making me breakfast…a sausage and egg biscuit.

And in this moment I know that he is living like love is a verb because, to him, it is.

There are days for both of us when we are oblivious and we run around doing things that aren’t helpful to the other person.

Most often though we want to be love to the other person.

After 18 years of marriage we both have sacrificed a lot.  We empathize when the other person has had a hard day and we try really hard to appreciate the efforts we each make for our relationship.  Most of all, we want to be aware of affirming that, yes, our partner in this craziness is doing the best they can.

“My friend, love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is a fruit of love the verb. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”

-Stephen Covey

What does love do?

sacrifice: giving happily when it’s not easy or convenient

what does that mean?

helping your spouse when you want to stay on the couch, share the last candy bar, being happy to let your spouse be involved in something they love while they stay home happily with the kids, quiet acts of taking care of the house, getting a dog when you don’t care for animals, turning off the tv when your spouse wants to talk even though you’re really enjoying whatever show you’re watching, going out of your way to make a birthday extra nice especially when schedules are already crammed full, giving whatever is hardest or most inconvenient for you to give and doing it with a happy heart because you care about the person

listen: hearing, understanding, and validating what your spouse is going through

what does this mean?

giving your complete attention when your spouse is telling a story, putting away the ipad/iphone/video games/book/distraction when your spouse is talking, reflecting what they are saying with kindness and understanding, letting them have their say and not being rude or interrupting

empathize: understanding without judging

what does this mean?

listening for the feelings behind the words, instead of saying, “what are you talking about? I’m an awesome wife!” say, “I can tell you miss me and wish we could spend more time together.”, pausing before reacting, validating someone’s feelings and letting them know that they are okay to be feeling them

appreciate: noticing the other person’s qualities or what they do that makes your life better and telling them how grateful you are

what does this mean?

noticing their diligence and the way they work so hard, the way they know when to give you a hug, their loyalty to you, complimenting the things you fell in love with in the first place and seeing them as still awesome, giving credit for the things they do, becoming aware of all of the ways they make your life easier and telling them that you’re seeing those things, looking for times when they are a fun dad or a kind wife and letting your heart be filled up with it

affirm: seeing the good in someone despite their imperfections

what does this mean?

seeing the beauty in your spouse even if they’ve gained weight, encouraging the person you love to see the good in themselves even when they are having a bad day, pointing out the wonderful qualities they have always had, telling someone they are resourceful when they find ways to save money rather than viewing them as a penny pincher, thanking them for being aware of your feelings when they go out of their way to make your day easier

 

I’m so grateful to Mike for the amazing husband that he is…I’m extremely blessed to have his kindness and awareness in my day to day experience.  He is a wonderful example to me of each of these qualities.

Have you signed up for the Familyness Fort yet?

There are so many more ways to do all of these things in marriage and relationships.  I would love to hear about some of the ways you do these things in your life for the people you love! (please share in the comments)

Davina Fear is a date night aficionado and loves to have time to hang out with her one true love.  Coming up with fun dates is a favorite way to spend her Friday nights.  She totally got lucky in love.

Have you checked out her Familyness Photo Workshop?  The next one will be starting soon!

Giving what you have to others…

creates more love, in you, for them.

Falling in love is awesome!  We fall in love and get married, we fall in love with newborn babies, we fall in love with new friends, we fall in love with ideas, we fall in love with new places.

All of this love is awesome.

The hard part is to stay in love.

When we first fall in love there are so many rushes of emotion, excitement, and thrilling feelings.  We never want them to end.  But eventually, they do.  We want to keep feeling that fluttery, cool love but in time love changes.

And that’s normal.  The depth that follows becomes something even more amazing.

When we are first in love we think of the other person.  They are amazing! We want to do little things for them to make sure they know we love them.  We write notes, sweet texts, pick up their dry cleaning without being bugged, meet them at their class, make them a lunch, put notes on their windshield.

Love is a verb
It ain’t a thing
It’s not something you hold
It’s not something you scream

So you gotta show, show, show me
Show, show, show me
Show, show, show me
That love is a verb

-John Mayer

And then life comes along and changes all of that.  The people we love most get our leftover, warmed over giving.  The good stuff was given to someone else.

Even though I definitely don’t believe that February is the only month of the year for giving the people we love most our truest love, I think February is a great reminder that we want to be giving our best stuff to the people we love most.

January is always a time when we think about weight loss, organizing, being better at managing money, saying no, saying yes.  We start with lots of goals.  January makes the new year feel like the beginning of The Year of Goals.

So with February arriving in just a few days…it feels like the beginning of the Year of Love.  And I start to think about how I’m going to be so much better at loving the people I love.

Love becomes a verb the longer you love someone.  It becomes more about the being there, the listening, the caring, the little errands done without an attitude, the unseen kindnesses…

I start making plans about how I’m going to be so much better at:

showing my love in little ways

thinking of someone else before myself

giving away the last cookie when I want to eat it

seeing little ways to really BE with the people that matter to me

With the Year of Love beginning…what are some things you’re hoping to be better at when it comes to loving the people you love? (that feels like I just read it out of Dr. Suess!)

Make sure to sign up for all of the super fun stuff I send from the Familyness Fort!

Davina Fear is a Familyness Adventurer.  She enjoys a bowl of Lucky Charms occasionally.  Her favorite part of breakfast, though, is eating it with one of her favorite people.

She blogs at davinafear.com and teaches The Familyness Photo Workshop.

true artist interview.

Brooke Snow is an amazing teacher and photographer.  I’ve been blown away by her attention to creating fantastic courses and am always amazed at the vision that she has in areas ranging from photography to teaching to music to family.  She’s incredible!

I’m so honored that she interviewed me for her True Artist series!  We got to chat a bit about photography, familyness, and The Familyness Photo Workshop.

Thank you again, Brooke.  I think you are amazing and I’m incredibly thrilled that I’ve gotten the chance to know you over the past year.  You’ve been such a wonderful friend.  I’ve loved the opportunities we’ve had to encourage leaps and risks.  It’s been so exciting to have so many great things happening!

Check the interview out here:

And…in case you didn’t hear…

there’s one more chance to get in on the fun for the workshop!  Use Brooke’s code to get $30 off!  See it on her blog here.

Davina Fear  is a mom of twins girls and blogs at davinafear.com.  Twelve years ago she went to a twin support group.  They told her the first year with twins would be terrible.  She would hate it and not wish it on her worst enemy.  That meeting was a blessing in disguise.  She went home and vowed to love it.  She did.   Seriously.  There are a lot of people saying life is hard.  It is.  But it’s also super good.

Don’t miss The Familyness Photo Workshop starting January 20th online with Davina.  Find out what there is to love.

editor and writer.

I’m excited to announce that I’m the new editor for the Simply Charmed Life column on The Mother Huddle!

The Mother Huddle has lots of:

fun and useful DIY projects, free step-by-step sewing patterns and tutorials, recipes to help put a quick and delicious dinner on the table, kids crafts that will surely make you the coolest mom on the block, beauty and style advice that applies to us over the age of 18 , and of course the occasional “we’re in this together” parenting and lifestyle posts.

Each day of the week features a different category:

• Monday: Make it Monday (DIY projects)
• Tuesday: In the Kitchen (recipes)
• Wednesday: Crafty Kids Corner (crafts for young children)
• Thursday: Sew Be It (sewing projects)
• Friday: Beauty and Style (just in time for date night)
• Saturday: A Simply Charmed Life

A Simply Charmed Life delivers ways “to make our lives as women, wives, and mothers more fulfilling.  Traditions, simple ideas, and stories that might make your life a little happier. And sometimes, we are just looking for someone to relate, and say “ya, I’ve been there”.

I hope I’ll see you there! Click here to check out The Mother Huddle.

Here’s my most recent post: January and Little House on the Prairie

Go on over and see me there today!

Davina Fear is a Familyness Adventurer. Sometimes she has a good hair day in which she instagrams and her son decides to photo bomb. Awesome!

She blogs at davinafear.com and today she had a Dairy Queen Blizzard with Recee’s Peanut Butter Cups and 1/2 chocolate icecream, 1/2 vanilla…heaven.  She wants to know: what’s your favorite Blizzard?

The Familyness Photo Workshop from davina fear on Vimeo.

Are you wishing you could take better pictures of your family?

Awesome! Then I would love for you to join me for The Familyness Photo Workshop!

This is a workshop that will not only inspire your photos…it will inspire your familyness.

You’ll learn how to take great pictures of your family, get less stressed about it, have more fun, and feel more familyness.

We’ll talk about:

• How to identify your family stories and know what to take pictures of to make your family photo albums more like storybooks
• Learn story telling angles and composition
• If you have a hard time getting great pictures of some of your kids, you’ll understand your children better so that photographs reflect who they really are
• Figure out how to use the camera that you always have with you [your camera phone!]  to get really awesome pictures.
• Learn how light can affect your stories no matter where you are (inside and outside)
• Along the way you’ll discover how to create more familyness fun in your home.
• Get my tips and secrets for making photo shoots fun for your family
• Find out how to take natural photos of your kids and help them be comfortable in front of your camera
• Discover how to help everyone think getting their picture taken is awesome instead of having everyone go into hiding when you bring out your camera

[see more details here]

Questions that I’ve been asked about this workshop:

What’s the course like?

Each Sunday you’ll receive a video lesson with a fun assignment for the week. On Wednesday, you’ll receive another video lesson, encouragement and an Inspiration Card.

You’ll get to be part of a private Facebook group for our workshop where you’ll get support and ideas on how to have great familyness and make great photo opportunities

Also included! Are 2 LIVE webinars where we’ll have a question and answer time together with our workshop group

 

Is this workshop for me?

Yes! If you wish you could do a better job of getting natural photographs of your family instead of the standard picture of everyone posed and smiling in front of the amusement park gates (or similar types of pictures) this is the workshop for you.  We’ll be covering how to get the real stories that happen in your family everyday…the details that you’ll miss when they’ve grown.

This workshop is for the mom who wants to take better pictures of her kids AND for the professional photographer who is struggling to get great images of their own family (either because of lack of time or frustration).

 

Will I learn how to use my brand new SLR camera and how to shoot manually?

*Learning to shoot manually isn’t the focus of this course.  Our main efforts will be on improving how you see stories, composition, and creative storytelling.  I will be offering a video tutorial on how to shoot manually with your SLR camera in the toolbox section of the workshop.  It won’t be super in depth but it will give you a basic understanding.

Where can I see some of your stories?

Sick Day

First Day of School

Summer Stories

Fixing the washer

Strawberry picking

Morning Adventures

Making donuts

Walking with my daughters

Doing the dishes

Tennis: daddy/daughter

I’m so excited to have you join me on January 20, 2013 for the first day of class!

The Familyness Photo Workshop:

$297

Register here:

Davina Fear is a Familyness Adventurer. She enjoys Friday Night Dates with Hot Guy, occasionally forgets to eat lunch, and loves her baking class with Emma.

She blogs at davinafear.com.  She’s obsessed with making this workshop awesome and she finally finished reading “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed.