Mornings at our house run like clock work.
I hear the alarm blaring on my iPhone next to my bed telling me to get up. I roll out of bed, blurry eyed and awake just enough to not feel like I’ve flat-lined during the night. I stumble toward Emmett’s room hoping that he is already in the shower. He isn’t. I wake him and as I walk away from his room I vow that tom0rrow he will wake up to his own alarm or miss early morning seminary. I have no idea how I will follow through with this vow but in my grogginess I tell myself it will happen.
I sleepily find my way to each of the girls’ rooms and flip on their lights. I gently shake them awake and know that an alarm clock would be a good idea for them, too. And at the same time I love the chance to see their peacefully sleeping faces.
I head to the bathroom while Mike is still asleep in bed. I brush my teeth and empty my almost bursting bladder. As I make the descent downstairs I call to everyone, “Time to come downstairs for scriptures. Emmett is almost out of the shower.”
Some mornings, Grace is right by my side and, holding my hand, she walks the steps with me.
Miriam and Emma trickle into the kitchen with blankets still wrapped around them, their hair in piles of tangles, they are reluctant to stick their arms out of their warm cocoons to open their scriptures.
Eventually, everyone is sitting at the table with eyes 1/2 closed and not much brain function. Most of us are walking zombies. At this early hour Mike and I seem like Meg Ryan and Bill Pullman in “Sleepless in Seattle” passing Kleenex and pills to each other; knowing without thinking what the other person needs.
Sometimes our mornings are a similar scene, barely a chance to say good morning, knowing one another and our routine for our kids so well we don’t even need words to convey what needs to be done next (a pretty awesome part of marriage), we are on autopilot. Occasionally, once the kids are off to school we’ll realize we haven’t even gotten to hug each other or we barely had a chance to say good morning let alone, smile, wink, hug, touch, or whisper a little something into the other one’s ear.
I’d like to say that we’re super romantic in the morning. With a 6am wake up time and 4 kids to get off to school it has not been a time of day I’ve been thinking of interjecting (Gracie’s vocabulary word for the week) a little flirting.
But this week will be different…
This week is all about Flirting.
Are you doing it? Are you Flirting?
It’s time to exercise your flirting muscles!
For some reason flirting, hugging, kissing, being silly, and playful becomes more difficult once you’re married…and even more complicated once a couple has kids. When I photograph families the husband and wife are typically the most awkward. They tell me little Joey clams up in front of the camera but when I ask them to kiss they only give a quick little peck (did the kids see that?). And then they look at me with a question in their eye: Was that good enough?
I know these couples at one time kissed in front of people and didn’t care. I also know they flirted when they were dating.
Why did you flirt when you were dating? A lot of those reasons are really good reasons to flirt when now that you’re married.
Maybe you’re out of the flirting habit. Maybe it’s been awhile. It’s time to kick that flirting into high gear.
Why flirt with your spouse?
*Because it’s fun
*It brings some playfulness into the everyday
*Adds a happy boost to your friendship
*Gives your spouse (and you) more confidence in yourself, each other, and your marriage
*You feel closer to your spouse
*Your relationship feels more fun
*Flirting creates a positive way to communicate love to each other
*Reminds you that you are attracted to each other
So, this is our Year of Familyness adventure this week:
*Leave flirty notes around the house (if last week’s notes were sweet and thoughtful, make this week’s a little more flirty). Use phrases like: when I see your eyes…, remember when you…, it makes my knees weak when…, you are the best______, I love the way you ________….
*Flirt in regular conversation. While talking about your day throw in compliments like: “Entering data into the computer today was so tedious, I couldn’t help daydreaming about you.” or “I had salsa and chips today for lunch, The salsa was hot. Like you.” Don’t worry about being cheesy. Just have fun looking for ways to flirt in your everyday conversation.
*Go in for a kiss and then whisper something in his ear instead.
*Think about awesome flirty, pick-up movie lines that you love. Use them when talking to your spouse. Here are a few to get you started:
- “You make me want to be a better man.”
- “You know, when you blow out the match, it’s an invitation to kiss you.”
- “I would give anything if you were two people, so I could call up the one who is my friend and tell her about the one I like so much.”
- “It seems right now that all I’ve ever done in my life is making my way here to you.”
- “I have crossed oceans of time to find you.”
- “I love that you get cold when it’s seventy one degrees out; I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich; I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts; I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
- “Can I hold your hand?”
- “You are lovelier this morning than you have ever been.”
*Use body language. Wink, give a big smile, keep your heart open (don’t cross your arms), give the ‘come hither’ look (you know what I’m talking about)
*Touch each other. As you walk by them, touch their arm, run your hand along their shoulders, brush their hand while eating dinner, look for opportunities to touch your spouse in a caring (and flirtatious way).
*When you’re getting ready to go out on a date say something like: Will you wear that blue shirt? It makes you look so strong.
*Use phrases that have a double meaning.
*When she is talking, lean in close to her.
*Change the tone of your voice. (you can make anything sound flirty or sexy with your tone)
*Be cheesy. Seriously. It’s okay to be cheesy. It’s part of the fun!
*Send flirty text messages like:
- Hey good lookin’! What you got cookin’?
- I’ve been thinking about you all day. When will you be home?
- I woke up thinking about you… (yes, even when they are laying next to you)
*Suggest spontaneous dates: Hey hot stuff want to go get some ice cream?
*Pass notes. Write a note and then slip it in her hand while she’s talking to the kids.
*Flirt with your eyes. You know what I’m talking about…
This will be fun! Tell me in the comments if you’re in! [Please don't leave me hanging in the comments... ]
I’ve not had my picture taken in a little while but I have a shoot coming up with Millie and I don’t want to feel all awkward in front of her camera (or my kids) when she asks me to kiss and flirt with Mike.
I love this man! I adore him. He’s been my best friend for almost 20 years and…
he’s a darn good kisser!
Feeling like flirting is a little more complicated when you’re married? I’ll be answering those questions tomorrow with the Frequently Asked Flirting Questions. Have you got one? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org (I promise you’ll remain anonymous)
Share your flirting ideas in the comments!
Playfulness makes marriage more fun.
The FAFQs of flirting with your spouse. [Click here]