affection.
Every family has different ways of showing affection, it’s a way to show our tenderness for one another. It’s also one of the things that bond us to each other and help families to feel close to one another.
Research has shown that strong and healthy families are comfortable showing and giving affection to one another.
For me, I know I have to schedule affection into my daily routines so that I don’t end up going through out a day and come to the end of it and realize I’ve only been doing the chores of the day and missed the emotion…the reason why I do all of these mundane activities. It’s because of love.
Oftentimes, I become too task oriented. What can I mark off of my ‘to do’ list today? How much have I marked off my ‘to do’ list? Is it enough to feel like it’s been a successful day?
Because I know I’m like this; I become too intense on a goal or outcome and…I have to be reminded.
I have an alert on my phone that says: HUG.
Yes, it’s true.
I have to be told.
It’s become a joke now.
The alert goes off : HUG [someone].
My kids will sneakily turn it off and say something like, “You don’t want to do that alert, Mom.” And that little hint will let me know that it was my hug alert.
And so, now, it’s a game.
They take off running and I chase them down and give them a hug [even my teenager]. What started off as a reminder for someone who gets too caught up in getting things done has become a family game and the kids like to tell people that I have to have a reminder on my phone to hug the people I love.
And I say: you gotta do what you’ve got to do.
It’s working for us in kind of a silly way.
Fit affection into your daily routine in ways that feel natural for you or that may not seem natural but that you know will improve your family life.
For example:
If you aren’t off of your computer when your kids walk in the door decide that you’ll close it 5 minutes early and be at the door with hugs when they arrive.
When your spouse walks in the door from work start winking at them from across the room to let them know that you’re glad they’re home.
There are so many fun ways to fit affection into your life. So often, with teenagers, we start to think they don’t want affection or that you’re going to embarras them if you hug them. Start at home to show more afftection, through hugs, a shoulder squeeze, a touch on the arm, more compliments, smiles, a wink now and then.
Choose one or two things from the list below to add to your familyness affection-ness.
Three ways to show affection:
Visible (non-physical)
winking
listening without your arms crossed
using open body language (leaning forward when someone is talking)
smiling
happy gestures (looking like you’re glad to see someone when they get home)
eye contact while they’re talking to you
putting aside whatever you’re doing to give your full attention
sitting close to them while they talk
Physical
shoulder squeeze
back pat
hugs
rubbing an arm
head on shoulder
holding hands
cuddling
kisses
group hug
soft touch on their face
playing with their hair (my personal favorite)
a neck/shoulder/hand massage
arm around their shoulders
linking arms
Verbal
saying ‘I love you’
compliments
courtesy and gratitude [saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’]
whispering why you love them in their ear
*I curated some of this list from here and added a some things of my own
Have fun finding new ways to show affection in your daily family life.
*What are your favorite ways and tips for showing affection?
Make sure to read about Love 15 here.
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2 Comments
wow! I think you wrote this just for me! I had never considered giving myself an “alert” for affection! It is silly, but it is the exact type of thing that I might need too. I”m very task oriented and I love how you mentioned that you do your tasks because of love, but that is important to not get to the end of day without the emotion part being fulfilled as well. thanks for the new ideas! I’m off to make some hug alerts!
Brooke, I’m glad to know that I’m not the only mom that has to make alerts like ‘hug’! 🙂